Since hitting 25, I can’t help but be excited for the next phase of my twenties and the slow climb to 30. There is just something so sexy – so appealing – about hitting that point. Thirty feels so big, so strong, so powerful.
Thirty is important, and though the weight of it weighs on me, – Will I have it together when I’m 30? Will I know what I want? Where will I be? Will I be happy? – that slow, deliberate climb is often what keeps me going. It’s what keeps me motivated.
Ten years ago, I couldn’t wait to be 20 and shed my teen skin for what was, inevitably, next. But 20 rushed through the door, and with it came so much – so much! – confusion. I wanted to be someone, but I had no clue who that person was.
I wanted to matter, but I had no clue what mattered to me. I wanted to be important, to feel important and to be taken seriously, but I didn’t know how to be that or how to feel that or how to separate the young me from the new me. When I hit 20, I had more questions and more fears than I’d ever been faced with before.
Now, sitting comfortably at the top of the mountain that has become 25, I look down at the small molehills that encapsulated my earlier beginnings. I made so many mistakes from 20 to 25 – and hell, I’m still making them.
I did so many things wrong; did a few things right. I graduated from college, fell in love, fell out of love, fell into the arms of the wrong guys and slid away from the friends I thought I’d have forever. I wasn’t as brave as I could have been, but I was brave enough, right?
At the peak of this mountain, I have more climbing to do. In a lot of ways, 25 is like starting over from the middle. I’m supposed to know better know, but do I? I’m supposed to have moved past those mistakes, but have I? Looking down on 25, I don’t regret those “mistakes.”
I cringe to think of them sometimes, but now I know better. If I hadn’t made those mistakes, if I hadn’t been wrong and if I hadn’t been hurt or been sad or been too drunk, I wouldn’t be sitting at the peak of 25 with such fond memories – and such high hopes.
So make the “mistakes” you should – and those you shouldn’t – in your twenties. It makes the view from the top so, so much better.
1. Makeups, breakups and everything in-between
Happiness and sadness: They’re a fluid thing. They’re not permanent, just temporary. So break up, make up, be confused, frustrated and elated.
Your twenties are confusing, and your emotions have every right to be just as all over the place.
2. Asking for a raise
I will tell you from experience, since I have all the working parts, that being a lady in the workforce is equal parts empowering and infuriating.
I’ve been lucky enough to work with women who are Boss-Ass Ladies and have shown me the way, taught me never to back down and to ask for what I want.
One of those things I really wanted? A raise. It was terrifying as sh*t, – Will they say no? Do they think I haven’t earned it? Am I over-stepping my boundaries? – but in the end, it was the most invigorating thing I’ve ever done.
Know your worth, women – and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. You are worth a whole damn lot.
3. Sleeping with the wrong guys
The thing about the Wrong Guys is that they are everywhere. They’re on the corner; they’re at the bar; they’re at the office; they’re online. But guess what? So are the right guys.
The trick is learning to separate the Rights from the Wrongs, and sometimes, in order to that, you need to be well-versed in the Wrongs to know a Right when you see one.
Plus, the “research” is fun.
4. Apologizing for having a “high” number
Let’s get one thing straight: No one – and I mean no. freakin’. one – has any right to tell you that your number is too high, too low, too mediocre or too outstanding.
At the same time, you don’t ever owe it to anyone to share that number. It’s not open to judgment. It’s not up for discussion.
5. Speaking up in the office; at home; when you’re talking to your best friend; when you’re talking to your boss
Find your voice. The sooner it comes to you, the better because you’re going to need it. You’ll need it when a group of men catcalls you on the street corner.
You’ll need it when you’re telling your best friend that the guy she’s head-over-heels for isn’t worth her time, and you’ll need it at the office when your coworker is blabbing on and on about something he (or she) doesn’t know as well as you do.
Your voice is, obviously, how people hear you. Beyond that, it’s how they respect you, how they come to see you and how they come to understand you. Be heard for the right reasons.
6. Being in a long-term relationship
Relationships aren’t taboo in your early twenties. You should be with people, explore, feel them up and feel them out. You should date, and you should also fall in love.
There’s also something beautiful and exciting about having a partner to get lost in your twenties with. It is a confusing, tear-inducing, joyful and exhilarating mess of an adventure. There are big peaks and deep valleys.
Having somewhere to illuminate your flaws, and for you to do the same, is refreshing and exciting. If you can get through the haze of your twenties together, then you can get through everything.
7. Letting go – even when you don’t know what comes next
Quit your job, move to a new city, strip everything and start fresh. Your twenties are your first real taste of the mercury of life. You’ll fly and flail and fall and fail. More important than all of that, though, is the fact that you’ll learn to do it on your own, and you’ll be okay with that.
So let go when you can. Let go when you’re ready and do it when you’re not 100 percent sure you’re ready. Trust yourself.
8. Cutting the friend fat
Girl, there is no reason – none! – to carry around all that extra weight on friendships that don’t make you see things differently, don’t challenge you, don’t force you be better.
You want to surround yourself with people who make you feel good and strong and supported, even when you’re at your lowest of lows.
As for the people who don’t? Chop, chop.
9. Spending all your money on experiences, instead of saving for a rainy day
This was probably the hardest “mistake” for me to accept. I wanted to save – for the big picture, for the next move, the next surprise, the next bill – but you can’t bring your bank account with you when you die. It takes time to learn this and to accept it, but things really don’t make you richer.
Experiences make you richer; life does. Tuck a little aside so that you can do what you want, live how you want, but don’t make it the bane of your existence. You have one chance here.
So live it, savings account or not.
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