Never Settle For Someone Who Wants You Over Someone Who Would Do Anything To Keep You

Human beings are almost entirely governed by two instincts: desire and the need to avoid loss. We are loss-adverse animals who constantly want something.

The instinct to want and to avoid loss are so strong and so deeply ingrained in our psyches that we see little purpose to life outside of them.

Wanting to own and to hold on to things is the reason we believe life has value to us as individuals; if we were unable to keep things for ourselves, then we would find little reason to participate whatsoever.

The problem arises when people are more worried about satisfying their wants than they are of satisfying their instinct to avoid loss — when the scale tips in this direction, you have people who attain things they don’t need and then find it difficult to appreciate any of the things they already have.

Not being capable of appreciating the things in your life is one thing — a bad thing — but not being capable of appreciating the people in your life is another.

As a rule of thumb, if you are in a relationship and do not fear the thought of losing the person you are with — if you wouldn’t do just about anything to keep them in your life, if you don’t feel that you need them — then either you don’t have your priorities straight or they simply aren’t worth keeping.

If you find yourself with someone whom you feel only wants you but wouldn’t move heaven and earth to keep you, then move on. You’re not a thing and you deserve better.

But how can you tell the difference?

A person who wants you…

Only gives you attention when it’s convenient. If this person is in the mood to see and to interact with you, if this person wants or needs that interaction, then this person will give you attention.

Otherwise, if this person isn’t in the mood to talk to you, to help you, to spend time with you, to be there for you, he or she will simply be unavailable – until, of course, it’s convenient to be there.

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A person who needs you…

Is there for you because being there for you is something this person needs to do. This person needs to keep you safe and happy. This person needs you to enjoy life so that he or she, in turn, can enjoy life.

Regardless of whether it’s convenient or not, this person will be there for you. This person will do anything to avoid losing you, even if it means sucking it up from time to time and doing the little things he or she isn’t especially excited to do.

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A person who wants you…

Will keep the conversations to a minimum. This person puts up with you because you serve a purpose.

This person understands that this means he or she will have to talk to you in order for you to feel comfortable enough to allow him or her to use you, but if this person could have it his or her way, conversations would be avoided altogether. This person doesn’t care what you have to say because this person doesn’t really care about you.

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A person who needs you…

Will do anything to keep you. This is the type of person who is always interested to hear what you have to say. This person wants to know about your day, to know what you did, what you ate, whom you interacted with.

This person wants to know every little bit about you because he or she is still trying to figure out why it is that he or she needs you so much.

This person knows he or she couldn’t bear living without you, but this person can’t exactly pinpoint the reason why.

This person is in love with you because this person is in love with you, and although that’s enough of an explanation, this person still wants to figure you out.

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A person who wants you…

Never makes long-term plans with you and avoids talking about your future. This person doesn’t want to plan any trips for next month — hell, he or she may not even want to plan dinner for next week.

This person doesn’t want to promise that he or she will see you again because it may never happen.

Every time this person leaves you, there’s a good chance it will be for the last time. You never know… maybe this person will find something better, or simply newer, later this week.

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A person who needs you…

Has no problems planning trips or discussing your relationship. This person may not be able to promise you forever, but at the moment, he or she sees no reason not to.

During conversation, this person will mention things that you need to do together, that you need to see and experience together.

This person will talk as if the two of you were the same person, living life side by side. When a person needs you — reallyneeds you — that person sees his or her entire future with you in it.

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A person who wants you…

Will never love you. If you pay close attention and remain as objective as possible, you can tell how much a person cares about you.

It can be difficult to distance ourselves in such a way when we believe ourselves to be falling in love, but it must be done if you wish to avoid wasting your time and getting your heart broken.

If this person looks at you and smiles and you can tell he or she isn’t just looking at you, but looking into you, then you may have a keeper on your hands.

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A person who needs you…

Either loves you or will soon accept that he or she loves you. A person who only wants you will never love you. It can be difficult for people to admit to themselves that they love other people — forget about admitting it to them. It takes some people significantly more time than others.

However, just because people can’t admit it — to you or themselves — that they love you doesn’t mean they will never admit that they love you. You have to be patient with people.

Runaway Bride: My Choice To Walk Away From Love Led Me To Everything I Was Looking For

When I imagined myself getting married, ironically, I pictured that ending scene in “Runaway Bride” when Julia Roberts walks through the grassy field towards Richard Gere.

With her hair blowing effortlessly in the wind; the fall foliage is vibrant against her ivory gown, and her off-the-shoulder dress trails behind her. She finally strides up to her groom with ease and confidence and says, “I do.”

When it came time to don my own ivory gown and tie the knot, I proved to be the real runaway bride, calling off my wedding just 11 days before the ceremony was to take place.

In the aftermath of my decision, as I sat sifting through ripped-up RSVPs, wedding favors and registry refunds, I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps I was missing that “bridal gene.”

With this being the second wedding I’ve called off in less than two years, it seems I have my answe … but let me start at the beginning.

A year ago, almost to the date, I had plans to be married abroad at a charming chateau in Europe. My fiancé and I had been together since college and our relationship had already taken on a lifetime of memories as. We joked about being “an old, married couple” in our 20s.

With a ring on my finger, wedding planning took full force and began to consume both our lives. I had imagined wedding planning to be a movie montage of laughing girlfriends, vibrant bouquets and cake tastings. Instead, I felt overwhelmed and distant from the celebration, as if I was taking a back seat to my own life.

Just six months shy of the wedding, my fiancé and I called off the nuptials and notified 100 guests of our “postponement.”

We had chalked up my cold feet and runaway bride behavior to the woes of planning a wedding abroad. Since we weren’t in Europe, or involved in the tastings, venue selections or décor, how could I feel like the wedding was my own?

It was a perfectly rational explanation for such irrational behavior, and in the months that followed, I clung to that logic like a life raft.

As I watched my best friends distance themselves and my family retreat into disappointment in the post-wedding fall-out, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for having bolted in the opposite direction of marital bliss.

Perhaps because of this, a year later, I found myself back on the wedding track and convinced that the second time would be the charm. With plans for a wedding stateside, I knew I would be more involved and integrated into every phase of the celebration.

What I hadn’t accounted for was the mutual realization that my fiancé and I were simply two different people. It was a cold awakening to realize that our problems never rested with wedding details, but rather, stemmed from an incompatibility in how we viewed our futures and what we wanted out of life.

While growing up, I would spend time on top of a red brick ledge that marked the entrance to my parent’s flower garden.

High above the vibrant red roses and black and yellow bumblebees, I would sit perched above our quiet, suburban neighborhood with a journal in hand. On these lazy afternoons, I would stare up towards the sky as planes flew overhead, imagining the exotic, faraway destinations they were going to.

Maybe that plane was en route to London? Perhaps that one had just come back from Asia? At that age, the possibilities were endless, and the world was wondrous as I imagined all the places I had yet to explore. Now, at age 26, I am still that little girl dreaming of her next adventure.

The vision of my life, or at least the next couple years of it, is a kaleidoscope of volunteering abroad, backpacking the world, submerging myself in various cultures and growing emotionally, spiritually and personally through travel.

With a journalism degree in my back pocket, I have been pouring my heart and efforts into developing my travel writing, growing my travel blog and getting my work published.

As I flew off on press trips and travel assignments, the reality of my dreams, and the future my fiancé and I would have, started to dawn on us.

While he envisioned something more comparable to “the American Dream” and longed for a backyard, cozy home and a dog, my aspirations pointed toward a future that was less stable and more spontaneous.

It took some time for my heart to catch up to my head and realize I wasn’t running from a wedding; rather, I was running from a future in which I didn’t see myself.

I blamed the stress of wedding planning, the miles abroad and the money, but at the end of the day, the reason for our wedding being called off was simple: My fiancé had roots and I had wings. There was no future where we could reconcile that difference.

The label of ”runaway bride” is a heavy one to carry, and although the decision to cancel our nuptials was mutual, the spotlight seemed to burn most brightly on me.

Perhaps my dreams of travel writing will never come to fruition, or maybe a year from now, I will find myself living abroad. Anything can happen, and while a month ago, it felt as though my future belonged to someone else, now what happens next belongs to me.

Life Is What You Make It: How To Appreciate Your Past Mistakes Rather Than Condemn Them

How many times have you wished for a time machine so you can go back in time and change what was? Or, do you find that you constantly beat yourself up for past decisions?

I have heard friends, family and even myself say, “If only…” but life is about learning! I can now say emphatically that everything is exactly as it should be.

There’s a great master plan for each of our lives, and if we learn to embrace what comes, we would be better able to guide ourselves towards fulfillment, peace of mind and success.

There is no right or wrong, good or bad way in life. Each unique moment in time gives us wisdom and grace to deal with our future experiences.

It’s easy to look back with a heart full of regret and even self-loathing after the moment is gone, but the truly courageous thing to do is to find the silver lining in each situation:

What has this experience taught you? What did you gain? How can you make the next (similar) situation work for you? What are some signs that you can look for, so as to avoid making those decisions or perceived mistakes in the future?

I don’t hold the magic elixir to solve anyone’s problems, but with time, comes wisdom and perspective. If we quiet the internal and external “noise,” and reflect deeply on our past and what is important to us at this present moment, we can chart our destiny and watch the answers manifest in our lives.

It’s so strange that when I practice this, the right situations and people appear in my life so as to guide and take me to the next level of my journey without fail.

The power of intent and faith is truly amazing. It’s also important to never lose heart. Someone wise once told me that when you are at your wit’s end and about to give up is the moment your miracle will come and things will turn around. These are definitely words to live by.

Many of us may desperately want to move on from a situation, whether it is a job, place or relationship, but may find it challenging to do so.

During the time it takes to successfully transition, it’s helpful to try to make the most of the situation. The reason why it’s taking so long is probably because you haven’t learned the lessons yet.

A few years ago, I was at that place; I was at my wit’s end desperately searching my being for a revelation, to progress to the next stage in my life.

I remember blogging about it for many years, and bit by bit, I evolved, until one day, when I least expected, I got my breakthrough.

Sometimes, the answers you are looking for doesn’t come right away, but the key is persistence and being in a constant place of preparedness for the next step.

It was only after several months of that chapter being closed, did I realize why my breakthrough was taking so long. I was being prepared for the next step along my challenging journey.

Indeed, all aspects of your life may never be perfect, but the key to healthy and wholesome living and mastering this thing called life, is learning to appreciate and value the good and bad, and take it all in stride.

Everything happens for a reason, and we ought not to underestimate this sometimes cliché statement.

The Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, first said,

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, but make the best of everything they have.

If we bear that in mind, we can then appreciate that we hold the key to happiness and success in our hands. It’s all a matter of perspective and conditioning our minds to fulfill our desired outcomes.

Why Gen-Y Needs To Stop Arguing Over The Word ‘Feminism’ And Start Practicing Equality

Growing up, I suppose I more or less always identified as “one of the guys.” In many ways, I strived to epitomize the son my father never had. This soon became an essential part of my identity. At the time, this seemed entirely normal to me.

It wasn’t that I consciously tried to act like the males with whom I hung out. My behaviors were simply natural inclinations for me.

I made friends by playing sports, dressing how I wanted, speaking how I wanted and exploring my childhood. I did so without fear of or regard to gender restrictions, as to me, they didn’t yet exist. I simply knew my identity as my own, without any specific definition.

As I grew older, I realized that a divide exists between men and women, which has developed from our understanding of gender roles. At a certain age, it became inappropriate for me to play sports with the boys as I always had; suddenly, it had to be separate.

Soon, my relationships with males changed, as well. Genuine friendships could be interpreted to possess blurred lines or suggestive undertones.

In my teenage years, girls who hung out with more guys than girls were seen as trying to “market” themselves in a certain way. We had become sexualized beings and were considered more for our romantic or sexual motives than for our independent desires or decisions.

Eventually, I realized that certain jobs were seen as “unfit” for me simply because I am a woman. When I began pursuing journalism, sports-related articles I wrote often earned negative comments from men, who questioned my sports knowledge. Again, solely because I am a woman.

I even dated men who seemed threatened by my need for independence and general rejection of typical machismo.

Suddenly, I became aware of the pressures women face to define themselves and their choices according to gender-biased standards, which had never mattered to me in my childhood. I, along with many other women, choose to reject this archaic ideology.

While this truth inspired me to explore feminism and female empowerment, I found myself at a point of contradiction, much like Emma Watson touched on in her groundbreaking speech for the UN HeForShe Campaign.

While many of us have likely experienced sexist undertones, limitations and stark double standards, we also struggle with social connotations of being “feminist.” Somewhere along the line, “feminism” became an undesirable, misunderstood identification — a loaded concept of sorts.

At one point, when asked if I identify as a feminist, my answer was always “no.” The only reason I can conjure for this was my understanding that feminists are often viewed, as Watson explained, as man-hating, argumentative and bitter toward the male species.

I’m not entirely sure when our understanding of feminism became misconstrued on such a global scale, but many of us have spent years avoiding the word and the movement altogether as a result.

Through this, our generation has developed a group of “inadvertent feminists.” We have been a part of the equality movement this entire time, but not on the forefront, because we were often shifted into submission by the very cultural connotations that contribute to the gender roles we hope to diminish.

Thankfully, many female role models are breaking down the mold that surrounds modern-day feminism. This is groundbreaking, as we are finally embracing what it means to truly advocate for yourself.

The issue isn’t necessarily just changing gender roles, but also eliminating them entirely and being open to having the conversation and identifying however you, personally, want to identify.

In a culture that strives to micro-analyze every possible trend, behavior and belief, we become susceptible to a “this or that” mindset.

We often strive to fit into a particular, accepted mold and place a great deal of importance on the specifics, which apply to the way we view and develop our individual identities, as well.

When it comes to human nature, we must realize that there is no right or wrong; male or female; black or white. Human nature is about being human, regardless of what this may mean to you.

We all have a right to feel and express our natural identities without the fear of cultural misjudgment.

Feminism isn’t about beating men, and it was never meant to be a war; it is about striking a balance that honors men and women to live their lives, free of prejudice. It is a joint effort with joint effect and, as Watson explained, it needs to be an open conversation and movement.

The issue is not whether or not you identify as a feminist; it’s the ability to ask yourself what equality means to you, what you stand for and how you wish to express your identity.

It’s about compassion, fairness, the desire to advocate for yourself and others and the ability to connect in a mutually beneficial movement toward modern equality. It’s about breaking the gender mold altogether.

As a woman, I believe that women should be able to live their lives in a way that is equal to any man. I believe in my sexual, emotional and professional rights and freedom, just as I believe in them for men.

I believe in the need for human expression, connection and an even playing field. I believe in ambition and strength, for both men and women alike.

More importantly, I believe we have the potential to create a world that is no longer defined or controlled by misconstrued gender roles. We are a generation that thrives on change.

With a collective open mind, we can shift from a generation of inadvertent feminists to one that embraces equality and empowerment, regardless of gender identity.

How To Find The ‘Good’ In ‘Goodbye’ And Embrace New Beginnings After Old Endings

A new season is upon us. Though signs of summertime may linger in intermittent humid days and melancholy sunshine, fall has officially begun. It is no coincidence that as the leaves turn and the air chills, we, too, will undergo change.

Autumn offers fresh beginnings and momentous endeavors for young adults: moving to college, the start of school, first days at “real” jobs and opportunities to travel abroad.

New journeys, no matter how exciting, become bittersweet with the realization that we must leave the ones we love, the places we know best and the support that has sheltered us thus far in life.

Some plans are temporary; some are seasonal; some only last for a semester at a time. Others can be more long-term and require keeping in touch when home is no longer a phone call away. Despite the destination, a proper goodbye is always required before departure.

Still, it is difficult to be optimistic in our goodbyes, especially when we know the next hello will not arrive for quite some time. Bidding farewell can evoke sadness, fear, anxiety and loneliness, which are overwhelming emotions that force us to reflect on what we had and what we have lost.

To counter these thoughts, we should focus on what there is to gain from the opportunities that come our way. After all, life tends to present new adventures without forewarning.

When plans arise that take us far from home, we are left with two options: lament over the idea of leaving or welcome the possibilities of going.

I chose the latter. I just arrived in Spain, where I will teach English language and culture for one academic year. I made my rounds and said my goodbyes to my nearest, dearest friends and loved ones. Tears were shed, and I was caught in many long embraces.

Some recent days have been sad and stressful, while others have been normal and without worry. My anxiety about starting a new life in an unfamiliar country for nine months will only truly subside when I choose to acknowledge the unreal experience that is about to begin.

Stepping out of a comfort zone typically feels something like leaping off of a cliff. To counter one’s fear of change, it is of vital importance to imagine positive ends to the trips we will take, the goals we will pursue and the dreams we will chase.

Envisioning goodness, brightness and bountiful blessings can only bring about greatness.

Even in harder times, we can be prepared to fight our demons when armed with fierce optimism. In all seasons of life, a positive perspective provides room to thrive and time to find gratitude.

It is also reassuring to remind yourself of the support system you might have at home. For some, family provides the greatest love and advice imaginable.

Others have created a network of extraordinary friends who offer acceptance and the inspiration a person needs in order to soar.

Many people are lucky enough to have both. I am blessed with individuals in my life who support and motivate me. It is their love that provided me the confidence to begin this journey, and it is their enthusiasm that keeps me going.

I believe I have found the good in my goodbyes. I no longer feel sad or fearful about my adventure. My life in the States is behind me, and the only obligation I now have is to create an authentic experience abroad — one that’s brimming with potential, exceeds limitations and encourages growth.

Through gratitude and optimism, I feel prepared. Most importantly, I feel excited.

To anyone outside of his or her element and to anyone chasing his or her dream, I wish you success on your journey.

To those who might be saying goodbye, take your sadness in stride as you walk toward the beautiful horizon. Each day grants us a chance to move upward or stay rooted in monotony.

The beauty of it all is that our adventures must always begin within us, not on a trip, in a new job or at a new school. Let your joy bloom, even in seasons of change, because what is to come will always be greater than what is here today.

Why You Must Know Your Self-Worth To Realize What You Truly Deserve

The perception of our self-worth is a driving force in almost every life situation. I believe so many people either give themselves too much credit or not enough when it comes to acknowledging their self-worth.

Rarely do we see people who truly understand and acknowledge the strengths, weaknesses, faults and flaws that make them exactly who they are.

Knowing your self-worth and “what you bring to the table” is incredibly vital in relationships, jobs, friendships and life in general.

We are constantly growing and maturing. How I acted and perceived other people a year ago is nowhere near how I view the world now.

I understand the whole “don’t care what other people think” concept, but it’s important to listen to what others have to say without their opinions 100 percent dictating how you live your life.

Not caring what other people think should matter when it comes to things like who your friends are, which hobbies you enjoy or how you want to dress.

However, if a lot of people say you’re not that great of a person, well, chances are… they’re right. Let’s discuss those who give themselves too much credit — or the “breadsticks made of bullsh*t people.” As human beings, it’s extremely important to have confidence in yourself at all times.

It’s difficult to bridge the gap between how we view ourselves and how others view us. However, there is nothing attractive or admirable about someone who feels deserving of the world, when in reality, he or she has done nothing to contribute to the world.

Some people treat others poorly but feel deserving of respect and recognition.

Well, I feel there are only two reasons why people give themselves too much credit: 1) They know the truth about who they are, but try to fool others, or 2) they are flat-out ignorant and truly believe in the qualities they fabricated about themselves and their images.

They blame their struggles — or lack of respect — on outside sources, rather than how they carry and conduct themselves.

These people will eventually realize that whom they believe themselves to be isn’t exactly what everyone else sees. For some people, it will click almost instantly, but for others, it will take repetitive gusts of wind to knock them from their pedestals.

Then, there are the people who, unfortunately, don’t give themselves enough credit. These people have lower self-esteem, don’t believe in their abilities and talents and are, usually, afraid to step out of their comfort zones.

The problem with these types of people is that they don’t realize what they deserve in life. They settle for significant others who treat them poorly and with no respect because they feel like no one else would supply any interest.

The select few people who are true to themselves are the ones who get what they want and what they deserve. It’s the fine line of being simultaneously confident and humble.

The keyword here is “true.” It’s much better to be hated for being truthful than to be liked for telling a falsehood.

For example, I would respect someone much more who owns being a complete jerk than someone who wears a mask and then takes it off, eventually showing his or her true colors.

Learning your self-worth is something that takes time. Also, just because you know your self-worth doesn’t necessarily mean you believe it or believe you deserve the same from someone else.

As I said before, we are constantly growing, and our perceptions on life, people, humanity and relationships can change.

It’s all about taking a step back before sitting down, tucking in your napkin and realizing what meal you brought to the bountiful dinner table that we call life.

These Starbucks Ads Prove Texting Will Never Beat Real Life Interactions (Video)

TV • GILLIAN FULLER • SEP 24, 2014 - 4:49PM

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For most people, commercial breaks are used as time to do something else — get up and go to the bathroom, refill your bowl of ice cream or anything — anything — that will distract from the TV until the show comes back on. Because commercials, for the most part, are so boring.

However, coffee giant Starbucks created a series of commercials that are both clever and (dare I say?) a little bit inspiring. The trio of ads represents a collective campaign against communication via technology.

The screen first features a standard iPhone text messaging screen with two people texting. Actors read the text at the same time, and little is given away about the context of the situation, until the text disappears and the conversation blossoms.

In each instance, someone sparks the conversation with a remark they wouldn’t be able to make if the people weren’t face-to-face, such as “I know that look!” or “You’re blushing.”

Though the ads aren’t likely to change the way our generation communicates, they do pose an interesting and legitimate point: Nothing can replace good ol’ one-on-one time.

The Apology:

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The Date:

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The Kick:

H/T: Adweek, Photo Courtesy: We Heart It

Spilling The Beans: Why Coffee Is Actually Slowing You Down Instead Of Speeding You Up

Most of us need a jolt of caffeine to start our days and for good reason: Drinking caffeine makes us feel more alert and improves our moods.

Some studies even suggest that in the short-term, caffeine can improve our cognitive performance in both memory and attention span tasks.

Why is it, though, that the best things in life always come at a price? You can’t get high without coming down — and that’s the case with everyone’s favorite cup of mental stability: coffee.

New research from Johns Hopkins Medical School shows that performance increases from caffeine intake are the result of caffeine consumers’ short-term caffeine-withdrawal experience.

In other words, caffeine-related performance improvement is reliant upon caffeine withdrawal. To answer the existential question: You can’t have the good without the bad.

Johns Hopkins researchers controlled for caffeine consumption in their subjects.  They found that coming down from caffeine reduces your cognitive performance and negatively impacts your mood.

In order to get back to “normal” (or to a baseline), you probably feel the need to drink more caffeine — which you’re hoping will give you that high again — but all that caffeine is just restoring your performance back to normal for a short period. You may think you’re high, but you’re not.

Caffeine is actually slowing you down instead of speeding you up, which explains why we feel withdrawal symptoms when we try to cut back. And why we feel like punching people in the face without our ritual morning cup of coffee.

It also triggers the release of adrenaline, which puts your brain and body into a hyper-aroused state. During this time, it’s hard to control your emotions. The caffeine intake can cause irritability and anxiety by enabling your emotions to overpower your behaviors.

Want more good news? Caffeine messes up your sleep cycle, makes it harder to fall asleep and has a six hour half-life.

That means there’s still 25 percent of the caffeine leftover in your body at 8 pm from your early morning 8 am cup of coffee; anything you drink after noon will still contain about 50 percent of its strength at bedtime.

When you do finally score some shuteye, it’s not going to be of any help (sorry). Caffeine reduces rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, the deep sleep that allows your body to recover and process.

When caffeine disturbs this restful sleep, you wake up with a handicap, leaving you more inclined to grab another cup of coffee. And just like that, you’re hooked.

So you think you’re doing right for your body, yet you’re really setting yourself back. Forget alcohol, blame it on the coffee.

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Here are the 12 times your coffee actually didn’t help you. It all makes sense now.

1. When you had to sh*t immediately after.

2. When you bugged out at your desk about all the work you still had left to do.

3. When you couldn’t get out of bed the next morning.

4. When you tweaked at the person walking too slowly coming out of the subway.

5. When you were unbelievably shaky while holding your baby cousin for the first time.

6. When you got heart palpitations on the treadmill.

7. When you panicked right before an interview.

8. When you had an after-dinner drink and were up all night watching TBS reruns.

9. When you felt like a crackhead, but hadn’t done drugs since college.

10. When you got inexplicably angry over losing your favorite pen.

11. When you were meeting your partner’s parents for the first time and couldn’t stop talking.

12. When you needed another cup.