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~ Food for Thoughts ~
Friday, October 24, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
11 Reasons Why Traveling By Yourself Will Make You A Stronger Person
Age 26 is a weird one. As far as momentous rites of passage go, you can already drink, drive, buy cigarettes, rent a car and vote. In other words, when you reach this tender age of, oh, I don’t know, inexplicable importance, you come to realize a couple of things.
Any growth of character from here on out is entirely dependent on the unique experiences you have. There are so many things you really want to achieve before the palpable reality of 30 completely overtakes you.
This is probably why I recently decided to venture off on my own 26-year quarter-life crisis, not coincidentally one week following the ensuing depression of my birthday.
The realization that there might be no upswing from here on out led me to a cheap hut, eight hours outside of Bangkok.
I had no phone, no friends and a single beacon of comfort in the form of a shoddy WiFi connection. If I was looking for growth through humility, this was surely the way toward it.
The reality of my first night lost in translation looked nothing like the sexy Sofia Coppola movie I was imagining.
Retrospectively speaking, my solo travel turned out to be the sexiest thing ever I’ve done.
Solo or not, sometimes, losing yourself to the world is the best way to find your place in it. Whether you’re feeling lost, looking for a new challenge or new perspective, here are 11 lessons you’ll learn from travel that will strengthen your character and make you a better person:
1. People are generally good.
The world is, at times, a sh*tty place, and humans appear to suck more often than they don’t.
One thing you’ll learn when you step outside of your comfort zone, however, is that for the most part, mankind is a refreshingly classy act.
When you venture beyond biased perspectives and paranoid neighbors, the world turns out to be a whole lot better than it sometimes seems.
2. There’s no right or wrong way to do things.
People operate differently from place to place, and if anything, going somewhere new will open your eyes to the attractiveness of options.
Diversity is what makes the world interesting and, sure, sometimes frustrating, but you should probably get over that if you want to grow in life.
3. Nature is almighty.
People have done impressive things, but nothing will humble you quite like standing at the base of a mountain or looking up to the sky from the stillness of a natural lagoon.
It’s funny how, sometimes, our preoccupation with civilization makes us uncivilized. Riddle me that.
4. Pick what you worry about.
Nothing prioritizes concern quite like the immediate “worries” of the road. Slowing down just enough to think about where you will sleep or how you will get to your next destination will allow you to focus on the things that really matter.
Instagram? F*ck it. Travel will teach you that your attention centers where you put your energy. Make things important if they are important enough to garner your worry. The rest of it usually works itself out.
5. You’ll discover the beauty of being comfortable in your own skin.
Travel is an excellent excuse for skipping some showers, renouncing makeup, rocking some questionable hair, etc.
Putting effort into your appearance is sexy, but knowing that you bring more to the table than your looks means bringingeverything to the table. You’d be surprised how hot that knowledge looks on a person.
6. Conversation isn’t dead… if you stimulate it.
Put your f*cking phone away. Enough said.
7. Money does not rule all.
Money talks and it’s really nice to have, but at the end of the day, things are just things. Money is a currency that can get you anything in the world — except the only things that make you decent. Its value has limits.
8. But, use the money you do have wisely.
Dreaming big and saving little is only cute for a little while (speaking from experience). Learning how to marry practicality with abandon will land you in places you never thought you would see.
9. Curiosity is a muscle.
The moment it’s cured is the moment you’ve stopped exercising it. When you travel, you’re engaged with your surroundings. Boredom is a symptom of a limited perception.
You make a trip just as much as you take it, and any traveler who misses the journey misses just about everything he or she could get.
10. Comfort isn’t everything.
But, it’s a hell of a lot, and losing it for a little while is a good way to learn how to appreciate it again.
When you travel, you’ll most likely have some weird nights in strange places, where the beds are questionable and the scents are foreign. That will sometimes leave you feeling lost and alone.
But, trust me, there’s no better feeling than coming back to your comfort zone with new eyes and a more refined appreciation for it. You may even find you’ve grown out of it.
11. Never underestimate the power of kindness.
The ripple effect is tangible, and compassion feels as real as it gets when you’re in a foreign country and you’ve had the worst day of your life. Offer a hand to a fellow friend.
The funny thing about travel and disconnecting is that it’s all about connection. It’s about discovering, from the moment when you step out of your comfort zone and into someone else’s. Kind of sexy, right?
5 Outdated Rules Of Dating This Generation Needs To Put Away For Good
As a recently single 20-something who has been in a relationship since she was a teenager, I know as much about dating as I do about soccer. There is a goal and there are positions, and that’s where my knowledge ends — in both scenarios.
When considering the prospect of being taken out, I gave minimal consideration to the fact that there were apparently socially-perceived notions about how people should act on dates.
Never having been coy and very much having the propensity to speak my mind, I often engaged in conversation topics such as the following: “Why did you break up with your last ex?” “So, am I supposed to offer to pay for this or something?” “At what point does this physical interaction give you the impression that I am easy?”
A fan of instant gratification and someone who has a long-standing addiction to her phone, I had barely read a text message from a date before I was already keying in a response.
My best girlfriend yelled at me: “What the hell are you doing? This isn’t how things work!”
Apparently, despite the fact that it is not 1955 anymore, there are several rules of dating I don’t particularly care to follow.
While exploring what people seemingly think they are supposed to do in order to appear busy, attractive or likeable, I concluded that this all just seems like a giant façade. It’s getting in my way of getting to know people who I actually like.
Maybe I am wrong; maybe the art of playing hard-to-get or other such games truly is the way to find love. If that is the case, however, I find something intrinsically wrong with that concept in our society. I don’t personally think I am capable of changing these socially-evoked practices.
At least, for me, this type of dating (like soccer) is a game I have no interest in playing. Here are my gripes:
The Whole Game Of Picking Up The Tab
Back in the day, a dude was expected to buy the lady’s dinner on a first date. This time-honored practice is sort of adorable, and I am not one to turn down free food. However, with the rise of feminism, something a bit weird happened to this concept.
According to a bunch of my single friends, there is a bizarre, fake conversation you are supposed to have on a date about paying for a check.
The girl should offer to pay half (whether or not she intends to do so), and then the guy is supposed to tell her she definitely will not.
Supposedly, if the girl does not offer to pay, then she expected to be paid for, which comes across as presumptuous. However, if the guy accepts her offer, he is seen as cheap. To me, there are so many things wrong with this concept.
If someone offers to buy my dinner, it seems awkward for me to pretend-offer to pay. If I offer to pay, it is because I don’t think a man I just met should have to spend $60 just to hang out with me for three hours.
There are so many more women in New York City than men as it is; why make dating too expensive for them to want to do with regularity?
If you really like me, pay for the second date. The extra time will be worth the investment, and I promise to pay sometimes, too.
Off-The-Table Topics
I don’t want to hear about your poop or anything (this has happened to me on a first date). However, when it comes to subject matters people usually deem inappropriate, I believe that if the topic comes up, it’s totally fine.
For example, as long as you don’t spend half of your evening talking about your ex, your past relationship experience is interesting to me.
Why you’re single and what you’re looking for are things people should talk about on a date. Okay, it does not have to be the first date, but I don’t get what the big deal is if it is.
When you aim to make a genuine connection with a person, letting conversation flow naturally and forgetting about societal stigmas is a much more honest approach than censoring yourself.
Sex On The First Date
Sure, you probably don’t want to do this on every date, but if the sexual revolution taught us anything, it’s that both men and women want to get it on.
Maybe this is a controversial opinion, but if you are really enjoying a dude, I don’t see what you are compromising about yourself by sleeping with him.
Yeah, you don’t know him very well, and he could end up being a crazy person. However, it’s your body and you have a right to decide what to do with it.
Maybe that involves sleeping with the hottie you’ve been chatting up for the past five hours. Do you (and him), girl. If he thinks less of you for that… well then, he’s missing out on lots of good sex and the pleasure of your company.
Wait To Communicate
The whole “wait a day or two to call” idea is so contrived and annoying to me that I really can’t even stand it. We live in an age when we literally communicate with almost everyone we know on a daily basis via social media.
I don’t know many people who don’t check their phone every several minutes.
Whether or not this norm is technically a good thing is not something I am here to argue. I am simply saying, why will I “pretend” I am too busy to text you while I am simultaneously sending a screenshot of your last text to three of my girlfriends?
Don’t flatter yourself by thinking I was waiting by my phone; I just happened to have it on hand. I’m sure a lot of people out there dig mystery, but if you have something to say, what are you waiting for?
An Awkward Ending
So, I haven’t been dating long enough for this to happen to me, but a lot of my girlfriends complain that guys will literally just stop contacting them completely.
After having a date that I wasn’t really feeling, the guy texted me for a second date. I texted back (almost immediately because, as we went over, I was holding my phone): “I’m sorry, I wasn’t really feeling like we hit it off. But good luck with everything!”
I did consider that I came across as sarcastic, but honestly, I was just trying to do him the courtesy of not wasting his time. I think this is something people should do more often; it would save us all a lot of time and worry.
Maybe I am just an idealist, or I’m way too straightforward and should practice being more demure. However, that would just be dishonest.
I am into the concept of people liking me for who I genuinely am, not how good I am at pretending I don’t want to talk to, pay for or sleep with them. If you don’t like that, you don’t like me.
Being honest about dating just makes so much more sense to me because it allows me to weed out people who aren’t working at the same pace. While you are feeling out the other potentially likeable suitors, everyone gets to be on the same page.
I am probably asking for way too much, but from a standpoint of pure logic, doesn’t all of this seem like an easier way to go about things?
Real Friends Aren’t Measured In Time, But In All The Moments They’ve Been There
Having friends is great. It’s just nice having people in your life you can talk to, spend time with, laugh with. Having people you can trust – truly trust – to be there for you when you desperately need help is one of the greatest gifts of life.
Without such individuals in your life, living your life becomes significantly more difficult. We need good friends in our life for moral support, just as much as we need them to stave away the despair that comes from being entirely alone in this world.
Only sociopaths can manage going through life without friends, but by definition, they are unhappy people. The rest of us all want to be happy and for this reason need other people in our lives.
The difficulty is deciding who makes the cut and who doesn’t. Most people – let’s be honest – aren’t very good at deciding who should and who shouldn’t be let into their lives. Yes, not all people are good people. You yourself may not be a good person.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bring good people into your life. On the contrary, if you yourself aren’t such a splendid individual then you need to find great people as friends. We are whom we eat with, and if we eat with a bunch of donkeys, we become asses ourselves.
That’s the problem with how most people make and keep friends. We may initially be very selective of the people we call our friends, but over time – as we get to learn more and more about a person – most of us never bother giving a second evaluation.
Most people don’t consider removing the label of friend, but only consider when to pin it on another’s forehead. Great friends are hard to come by – so if you think you have a ton of great friends then the fact is that you’re confused.
Or in denial. People always throw around the word “loyalty.” You have to be loyal to your friends because they’re your friends and have been your friends for such a long time. Since when did longevity factor into friendship?
Since when is being loyal something people feel entitled to even when they haven’t earned it? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends. The person you meet tomorrow may be a better friend than the person you met a decade ago. What you need is a better way to qualify your friendships. Here are a few factors to consider:
1. How much do you enjoy spending time with them?
This is actually a pretty loaded question. Most people only think about all the good times they’ve had together when they consider how much they enjoy spending their time with an individual.
What you need to do is factor in all the times. Are the bad times more frequent than the good? Are they less frequent, but nevertheless still too frequent? If you find yourself wishing you wouldn’t have hung out even once then you may need to rethink your friendship.
Great friends always consider how you may feel in a situation and will opt not to make you feel uncomfortable or unhappy whenever possible.
2. Do they offer you help when you need it or do you need to ask?
Personally, I’m not one to ask for much help – I’m stubborn like that. That doesn’t mean, however, that I won’t take help when help is offered.
This is what friendship is – one person offering to help and then the other accepting that help. If you have “great friends,” yet somehow never have help when you need it, then you’re doing something wrong.
3. Do they accept your help when you offer?
I may be a stubborn individual who prefers doing things on his own, but I still don’t refuse help when a friend offers. You see, when people offer you help, it’s just as much for their benefit as it is for yours. Accepting help – for starters – shows that you trust them, to a certain degree.
It also puts a deposit into the favor-bank; their offering to help means, again only to a degree, that they trust you to return the favor one day. Helping one another is a spoken contract between two individuals. One that relies entirely on trust. Such agreements usually only occur between good friends.
4. Do they add to your life or only take away from it?
The truth is that every person who enters your life takes away from it in some shape or form. There are always tradeoffs and opportunity costs with everything we do in life – it’s unavoidable.
That does not mean that you should be losing. On the contrary, friendships exist so that the total happiness is higher than were the individuals on their own. A utilitarian view, yes, but a logical one. If your life is better with someone in your life than it is without them in your life, then they are friends worth having.
This can be difficult to judge, as we are biased individuals, but objectivity can be accomplished. You just have to be very honest with yourself and smart in the way you imagine life without them.
If you ever believe your life to be worse off because of someone then you need to separate yourself from that person. Otherwise you’re willingly living a lesser life.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
7 Things People Who Love Coffee Do Better Than You
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You can argue your points home until you’re blue in the face, but there are just some things coffee drinkers do better than everyone else roaming the face of the planet.
Coffee drinkers aren’t the shy type; they’re not the type to back down from a fight. Coffee drinkers are the intellectuals, the thinkers and the dreamers. Coffee drinkers are the doers, the movers, the makers and the shakers.
Coffee drinkers put their noses to the ground and work relentlessly. They don’t quit at halftime, they don’t ask for a water break. Coffee drinkers don’t make excuses. They do work – and they do it well, both inside and out of the office.
Let’s face it, shall we? Coffee drinkers do it bigger and better than any — and everyone else.
1. Intimidation
Want to intimidate the crap out of someone? Just show up with a coffee in hand. Coffee makes you look serious, makes you look – and taste – rich. People don’t know who you are, but they know that you’re someone who knows where they’re going. You have a plan. You have a goal. Matter of fact, you probably have lots of goals and you’re ticking them off one by one.
Coffee drinkers aren’t just thirsty for a freshly-poured brew. They’re hungry for power. And they’re going straight toward that glass ceiling.
2. Interviews
There’s something about the refreshing, rejuvenating taste of coffee that settles your nerves like none other before a big interview. Whether it’s the job of your dreams, the job to pay your bills or the third freelance job you’re hoping to get in order to make ends meet, there’s no one who gives you a better boost – or settles your nerves – before a big interview than a cup of joe.
3. Mornings
Have you ever met a coffee drinker who didn’t absolutely kill it in the morning? Didn’t think so. Coffee drinkers may not love mornings, but they know how to attack that rush of morning energy – and milk it for all it’s worth (pun intended).
Coffee drinkers get up and once the first drip of premium dark roast hits their lips, they get things done. Whether it’s a one-on-one meeting, a business development conference or a status update with the boss, coffee drinkers come in ready and raring to go.
4. Health
In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past 21 years of your life, let me clear something up for you: Coffee is good for your health. And science agrees.
Coffee lovers are more likely to live longer, to be better athletes (both on the field and in the gym). They’re more likely to have an easier time losing weight and they’re more likely to keep their memories in check (coffee wards off type-2 diabetes, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease).
Best of all? Coffee pretty much makes you the go-to smarty pants in the room.
5. Adventure
Coffee drinkers know how to get the most out of any situation – and they’re never the type to turn down an opportunity. Coffee drinkers are experimental and adventurous. We’re versatile and not afraid to get funky.
Sometimes we pour our espresso over ice cream for a refreshing affogato; sometimes we double it up with a doppio. Some days we beg for a Green Eye, while on other days a Red Eye does the trick just fine. Another thing coffee drinkers aren’t afraid to try? Vita Coco’s decadent Vita Coco Café, made with coconut water and espresso for a fully-packed punch.
Coffee drinkers aren’t afraid to step outside the box for a little pick-me-up.
6. Office small talk
No offense to tea drinkers, but how often do you wax poetic when you’re waiting for your chamomile to boil? We’ll answer that for you: not often.
There’s something that goes down every time you and colleague go reaching for another cup: a shared interest in coffee is an instant bond. It’s sacred. It’s special.
Try as hard and as often as you want, but no amount of green tea will ever give you that.
7. First dates
Taking someone you’re interested to dinner for the first time is scary as all hell. You’re nervous, unsure of yourself, unsure of what to say, what to wear, what to order. You’re unsure of everything. Not coffee drinkers.
They’re sure of themselves, ready for whatever’s thrown their way. Coffee drinkers are naturally smart. They roll with the punches. They’re quick on their feet and always ready to spice things up.
And if you’re not down for dinner, then there’s always meeting up at local coffee shop instead.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It
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